I'm not gonna give you the key. You're gonna have to take it.
Then I'm gonna have to kill you, right?
Right?
- If you say so. - I say so.
Now listen to me, all of you.
You don't know what you're up against.
Go down there, I can't help you.
You've been doing a real fine job of helping us so far.
Last I looked, we were missing Wally and Cordelia...
and half her arm.
So fuck you! I'm going.
Let's go.
Owwwww!
Hey, Brayker. Don't worry. I'll save you.
No!
Hey, handsome, age before beauty.
Yeah, and pearl before swine, shithead.
Ohhh!
Ohh! Jeez!
You know something, Willy? Huh?
You're so dried up, the demons will probably throw you back.
Well, the sons of bitches ain't gonna get us.
I know these mines. Used to own the damn place.
I'm gonna find that north spur and get us the hell out of here.
Shit, now!
Irene?
You sure this is the way out?
No doubt about it. This here's the north spur.
Course, if we're heading west...
then the other one is north.
Why don't we just sit down here and wait for them? No.
That way! Let's do it.
Yeah, this is it. The north spur's just ahead.
I don't know how anybody ever worked down here.
Smells like a big ol' pile of do-do. Help me.
It's the bat shit. You get used to it.
I remember the first time we struck pay dirt down here.
Mommy.
Hello?
Danny, is that you?
How the hell did you get down here?
Come on. Come on, Danny. I'm not gonna hurt you.
I promise. Come on. Come on.
You all right?
- Mom? - Shit!
They're here! The demons are here! Run!
Let's go! Let's go! Move, move, move!
Ugh!
Thanks, Chief.
Don't worry. They can't get past the seal.
Homer.
This is for four years of minimum wage, you asshole.
No! Don't shoot!
Uh-oh!
You broke the seal. Run!
Danny, go upstairs! Come on. Move it!
You got an "I told you so" coming to you. Next time.
At least we're all in one piece.
- Sorry about that, Irene. - It's okay. Vodka's kicking in.
- So what's the boy's name? - Danny.
Hey, Danny. How you doing?
Listen, what were you doing down in the mines?
Well, the man, he came back. Yeah.
He got my parents.
I ran away.
Brayker!
It's all right.
I just have to check.
It's good to see you again, Danny.
Hey, Bob. How we fixed for ammo?
Oh, not too good.
Yeah, I'm down to four.
How 'bout shotgun shells? Not up here.
Oh, man, this is hopeless.
Fuckin' hopeless.
Sons of bitches. Ahh!
They drew us into a goddamn ambush! What are you doing?
- We gotta get outta here. - The real battle is ahead.
Sir, I-I don't understand.
Now take it.
Ohh!
No!
You're the one, Brayker.
You're the one.
Hey. You got us into this mess. What are you gonna do to get us out?
We just have to survive the night.
That's all I can tell you. That's bullshit.
We're entitled to know what's going on.
When I came here tonight, I thought you'd be safe.
There are only five of you. They need seven.
And then he came with Bob and the sheriff.
It's like tumblers in a lock. Everything has to line up.
- Seven stars, seven people... - Yeah, yeah.
Goddamn it, I'm not making these rules up!
And I didn't... I didn't ask for this!
All right?
You wanna know what's going on? Shall I tell ya?
In the beginning,
God created the heavens and the earth.
You're talking Genesis. That beginning?
And the earth was a formless void...
and darkness covered the face of the deep.
But the darkness wasn't empty.
It was full of creatures. Full of demons.
And they had seven keys formed into a circle...
to focus the power of the cosmos into their hands...
until God stepped forth and said,
"Let there be light. "
And there was light.
And He scattered the demons... and He scattered the keys...
all across the universe.
Then we fast-forward about two or three million millennia.
Now the demons are back.
They got six of the keys.
And one day they find the seventh key here on earth.
To save it, God filled it with the blood of a carpenter...
who was being crucified by the Romans...
and gave it to a thief named Sirach.
The blood ins... inside... is that...
Some of it. Yeah.
It gets used, you see.
Sirach had to refill it.
Bad neck wound.
Talon caught the artery here.
Most of what's in here now belonged to a soldier named Dickerson.
Gave it to me in France. August 23, 1917.
Funny how you remember the big dates.
Jesus, that... would make you, uh...
What happens when you run out of blood?
- They bring back the darkness. - Just like that?
Just like that.
So...
now you know.
You feel better?
God, I wish I had that bottle of vodka now.
I guess I owe you an apology, Brayker.
You really got some balls, man.
You're a fucking hero.
Where's Danny?
What? Find him.
I'm gonna check in my room. I'll look in my room.
Danny! I'll stay here.
Danny?
You in there?
Danny?
Do me a favor. Don't scream.
Just hear what I've gotta say. And then scream.
You're so young. You've got so much to live for and where the hell are you?
You're stuck in this house. You're stuck in this town.
There's a great big world out there, Jeryline.
You should travel. You can see it all.
I can help you.
You want Paris, Rome, Athens? You got it.
Course, if you don't help me, that's a whole other picture.
Come on, let's be real. Brayker isn't gonna get you out of here, okay?
Brayker can't even get himself out.
Little secret: The man's dead meat.
And if you stick with him, you're gonna end up the same way.
Check this out.
I hate to even think about it.
It's a simple deal, Jeryline: You let me in, I let you out.
Horrible, isn't it?
You know, it doesn't have to be unpleasant.
Hell, I'd rather it wasn't.
All right, I know what you're thinking.
You give up your soul, you turn into a demon, you look like shit.
Where's the payoff, right? I'll make you a little promise.
Just give me what I want, and nothing will happen to you.
Has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?
I know that sounds like a line. Lord knows I've used it.
But I mean it. You know, I can see to it that you stay pretty.
Forever. Think about that.
All you have to do is say yes.
Do we have a deal?
Something tells me you don't trust me.
That's all right. We'll work on that.
You will give me what I want. That's just the way it is.
And the sooner you figure that out, the better.
Any sign of him? Haven't seen him.
This doesn't make sense. Anything?
Where's Uncle Willy? I haven't seen his wrinkled butt neither.
Come on, Bob.
Willy, you son of a bitch!
Hey, I found the kid.
I bet he found you. Probably wanted to know what the smell was.
I forgot all about this place. Willy, you get downstairs now.
You take the kid with you. Tell Brayker to get his ass and the key up here now!
Let's go.
Go on! Go on!
Okay. Okay.
Leave the bottle.
Party poopin' old bitch.
Hey... they hate that.
Brayker! You in here?
Holy shit!
Hi, Uncle Willy. Poor Uncle Willy!
You look like you've had a long, hard day.
Oh, goodness!
I bet you could use a long, hard one. I know I could.
Here you go, Uncle Willy.
Oh, yeah. Oh, Jesus! Try mine.
Oh, my goodness! Oh, my God!
Uncle Willy, are you okay?
Try mine. Try mine.
Suck this one down, Uncle Willy. Long hard one.
Nothing gets you fucked up faster. Am I right, girls?
Am I right?
Here's lookin' at you, Uncle Willy.
There you go. There you go.
Have another.
Knock yourself out.
Come on. Drink more.
Jesus Christ! Those post office folks were right.
Son of a bitch! This guy was reading all our mail.
What the hell?
Shit! Wally was crazier than I thought.
Give me your light, Bob.
Oh, God!
He was planning to take out the post office for Cordelia.
Well, if he was...
he didn't have any bullets to do it.
Whoooo-eee!
Then again...
Willy?
- Danny? - Ahhh!
No! Stop it!
Oh, yeah! We got a whole lot of trouble!
- Jeryline! Help! - Let go!
- Jeryline! Jeryline! - You will give me what I want.
Hello! I'm your waiter, Skip.
Our special today is poached appendage.
Market price, of course. I recommend the finger food.
Want your arm back, Irene? I can make it happen.
Is that a yes? No. That's me giving you the finger, asshole.
I'll get back to you.
Willy, don't make me do this.
Willy.
Stop! Please stop, mister!
Please don't make me do this.
Put him down!
Hello?
Mr. Roach! What have you got there?
I want out of here, and I'm lookin' to cut a deal.
- Well, let's talk about it. - Put him down!
- Stop! - Jeryline.
You wouldn't hurt your old Uncle Willy now, would you, baby?
Jesus! Oh, man!
Shit!
- Get the eyes! - I heard that.
- Get the eyes! - Get away!
Ew!
Oh, boy!
- How do I know you ain't gonna kill me? - You have my word.
Frankly, we've been counting on you, haven't we?
The world needs more people like you, Mr. Roach.
Thank you. You're welcome.
You don't mind if we kill the others?
Hey, if it makes you feel good, do it.
"If it makes you feel good, do it. " Exactly.
First things first, of course.
The blood seal.
Listen, on a personal note.
Be sure and kill Brayker. He's a bossy asshole.
Isn't he, though?
- Thank you. - That's it?
- Ooh, that's it. - You ain't such a bad fellow.
You aren't so bad yourself.
Oh, a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Roach.
Well... you know this... "hell on earth" business?
Big fucking deal! I got hemorrhoids.
Vaya con Dios.
And a vaya con diablos to you too, sir.
There's just one more thing I forgot to mention: I lied.
Anybody home? Come on out, everybody?
It's time to play! Hello?
Or not.
Come on, Brayker, move your ass. Grab the case and get over here.
Let's go.
Cleo! Come on, baby.
Yeah.
Go.
I want you all up in the steeple now!
What are you gonna do? I'm gonna cover the rear.
Get your asses up there! Goooo!
Up. Up, up, up!
This is my house, and I make the rules! Now get up there!
Shit!
Supper time.
Only enough for one entrance.
Is that all there is?
That's all.
The window.
What did you do that for?
Take it. What?
Out of the seven, you're the only one left. You're the chosen one.
That's what I came here to do. Give you this key.
Can I have it?
Danny, no! Aaaah!
Danny! Stop it!
Let him go right now!
No!
Danny, no!
Shit! Oh, Jesus!
Brayker, I'm so sorry.
Don't be. You killed him, right?
That's all that's important.
You're ready.
Ready for what?
For the key. Give me the key.
Brayker, I can't do this. I'm not the right person for this shit!
He tried to seduce you, didn't he?
He tried.
You're exactly the right kind of person.
Give me your hand. I can't, Brayker.
He's still down there. Come on!
When the stars line up, you'll know what to do.
I can't tell you how long. Maybe a lifetime.
Maybe several.
And on that day, you'll fight.
And when that night is over, you'll do what I just did.
Watch your back, Jeryline.
Watch your back.
Brayker?
Don't you leave me!
Brayker! Wake up!
Come on. Wake up.
See that, Jeryline?
I was right about Brayker.
He's dead.
You, you're still here, aren't you?
I'm not gonna hurt you unless you make me.
You just stay where you are.
Personally, I was hoping we could avoid this.
Just pour the blood out. Save yourself the years of running.
I mean, really, what's the point?
It all ends up the same way.
Look at you. You must be in exquisite pain.
All covered with blood.
That's right.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oooh! It's not my blood.
Bitch!
It's curtains for you, baby. Come on!
I'm sure you're familiar with the relationship... No!
Between cleanliness and godliness. No! No!
Well, let me tell you something.
That's the first thing I'm gonna change.
No, you don't.
How was that? Good.
I liked those too. Damn!
Brayker didn't have time to tell you everything.
That eyeball shit only works on low-level demons.
I know. Who makes up all these rules?
Upsy-daisy!
This is a special day for me, Jeryline.
I waited a long time for this promotion, and I have to tell you...
You know, I-I'm glad that it's you who could share it with me.
Don't feel bad about giving up the key...
because by the time your race finds out what happened,
well, they'll look like last week's leftovers anyway.
So... cheer up.
Thanks.
I warned you. I told you what would happen.
You didn't believe me.
I forgive you.
I know what you're thinking:
"He's got the key. What else could he possibly want now?"
I want you. You know,
no one's ever brought a demon knight over to the other side before.
Well, not in one piece, anyway.
Honey, you'd be the first.
There'd be a period of adjustment, of course.
I'm very easy to live with, I'm clean, I don't drink much,
and I know my folks are gonna love you.
I notice you're not saying anything. Hmm?
Is that because you're thinking of something to say? What is there to think about?
There was a time when a coy silence was appreciated in a woman.
Well, this is not one of those times,
and you're really starting to piss me off!
Down, boy!
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to get angry. I...
Jeryline. Jeryline...
I'm gonna say something to you I haven't said t-to anyone.
Jeryline, I lo... you.
Jeryline, do you think you could ever find it in your heart...
to possibly lo... me?
Didn't think so.
All right, let's... Ah, fuck it!
You will die. But at least we'll be together forever.
If I can't have your soul, I'm gonna take your heart.
Thank you.
Hold on.
No. It's okay. I'll wait for the next one.
Ahhh! I love "scarnations. "
You'll be happy to know, kiddies,
that Jeryline lived happily ever after.
In fact, I even got a "ghostcard" from her.
She's traveling the world and having a fabulous time.
As for me, I'm afraid I've got to hurry.
Tonight's our big "screamiere. "
Hello.
Hello, hello.
Ah, the whole fan club is here.
Hello, baby-booby-bubby.
Uh-oh! I think my producers are trying to tell me something.
Well, what do you know!
I asked for final cut, and I got it!
Now that's "inter-tainment"!
Oh, still here, creeps?
What's the matter? Didn't get your minimum deadly allowance...
of murder, madness and mayhem?
Then look out for my next motion picture,
Dead Easy, coming very soon to a theater near you.
Ripped by: SkyFury